Book Cheat and Review: Brene Brown’s The Gifts of Imperfection
Feeling overwhelmed with your book recommendations? Me too!
I am constantly hearing about great books to read from other therapists. Most titles sound so great, but who’s got the time to read them all? Where’s the Sparknotes versions? So, I’ve decided to make my own version, so, I’ll read the book, give you just enough information that it discusses, then, you can say, “oh, I have read that one” with confidence (and it’ll be our little secret that you didn’t).
Brene Brown’s The Gifts of Imperfection
Brene Brown’s The Gifts of Imperfection provides a down to earth description of Dr. Brene Brown’s research on imperfection, and how it parallels with her research of shame and guilt.
I will admit this book did come out 10 years ago, and it’s been selling so well, that I was able to pick up the hardcover 10th anniversary edition.
The book is broken up into Guideposts. Each of the 10 Guideposts are new ideas and topics on imperfection’s hurdles. What I find interesting about this book is the fact that Brene was able to use the acronym DIG to highlight how to dig deep. Brene offers how to be Deliberate, how to get Inspired and how to get Going after every chapter. Think of it like a kick start on how to integrate your new information to your daily life.
Here are the main takeaway ideas that I thought to be most valuable from the book:
Courage
Brene discusses courage as the ability to be vulnerable. I can't help but agree. Everyday examples of courage are shared from Brene’s family and personal experiences. Brene goes on to discuss how courage has ripple effect. Every time that we engage in a courageous act, it opens up a moment to share stories of imperfection and show our vulnerabilities. To me, it sounds like as well as courage, vulnerability is also a ripple effect.
Love
More specifically, the love for ourselves and feeling worthy is discussed in great detail. Brene explains that our sense of worthiness lives in our heads and goes on to discuss how to claim your worthiness.
What I found most helpful about this was her list of worthiness prerequisites and (to not much surprise) most of them started with, “all be worthy when…” or, “I'll be worthy if…” just keeping these snippets in the forefront of your mind may be a great tool in noticing any doubts of worthlessness you may have.
Perfectionism
Renee returns to her wheelhouse to describe how shame is the birthplace of perfectionism. I love that she discusses the difference between perfectionism and self-improvement. She notes that perfectionism is more about trying to please others and self-improvement is your own intrinsic motivations.
It was validating to read her thought that perfection is not achievable. She goes on to describe those unattainable goals will hurt us and cause shame or judgement on ourselves. By accepting that perfection is not attainable we are accepting that our vulnerabilities exist and therefore can become more compassionate with ourselves.
Joy
Brene’s explanation that joy and happiness are two completely different things was groundbreaking for me.
The fact that she explains joy as something more than happiness, and that joy goes hand in hand with gratitude and must be cultivated. Happiness is attached to situations, so happiness may enter or exit our day many times. I love that she mentions that we can't have joy all the time, too much joy would kind of be unbearable. She also touches on what gets in the way of feeling our joy.
Intuition
As a DBT clinician my belief is that intuition is wise mind. Wise mind is the blend of emotion and logic to create a well thought out decision. Brene’s thought is that intuition is the ability to trust any uncertainty we might have. I love the idea of adding that to the definition of wise mind. If you think about it, by accessing our wise mind or intuition to make a choice, we're also trusting ourselves to make this choice. We're aware that we're uncertain of how this choice will go and it is the most skillful way to proceed.
Play
Renee also encourages the reader to engage in play. What struck me was a quote from Dr. Stuart Brown that says, “the opposite of play is not work - the opposite of play is depression,” (pg. 129). Wow.
Brene discusses play as something that is crucial to our productivity, which is tied to us overextending ourselves. By integrating play into our daily lives, we can not only create moments for joy, but may also kickstart to or creative processes and innovation.
Parenting
Short and sweet, Brene touches on the art of being a calm parent. This reminds me of integrating mindfulness into our conversations with our children.
By taking a moment to tell yourself, “I want to be a calm parent,” gives yourself enough space between the response to give a good answer. The Gift of Imperfection also touches on the importance of modeling calmness for our children. By modeling calmness, children are more likely to remain calm during stressful events.
Being Cool
This was the section I wish I read in high school. Brene describes being cool as this shield that protects us and our vulnerabilities. She calls being cool a behavioral straitjacket, which is so fitting. By putting on this jacket we are really trying to control what others think of us, which leads us back to us feeling unworthy with our imperfections.
She rightfully links the word betrayal in with being cool. We're betraying ourselves whenever we pretend to be cool. It’s not our authentic selves. Renee dares us to be our full authentic selves; to be goofy and to dance, just like she did in the middle of the mall with her 8-year-old.
Honestly, I've only shared a couple of the takeaways I thought that were great. There were plenty more sticky notes in this book than I shared with you.
Brene has this great style of writing that sounds like she's literally talking to you. I praise Bernie on adding her personal stories into this book, it makes the subject matter relatable and easier to read. As a researcher and someone that has been on multiple Ted talks, it's easy to look at her as someone that is beyond us. By sharing her stories, it really gives a human side of Brene, and pairs well with her explanations of research.
I recommend The Gifts of Imperfection if you are looking for a lighter read that still provides some takeaways. If you are wanting to pick up this book, I would highly recommend it.
I recommend this book if you are looking for a lighter read that still provides some takeaways. If you are wanting to pick up this book, I would highly recommend it.