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We humans have an innate desire to avoid emotional pain. After all, who wants to feel pain? Ironically, however, the more we try to avoid emotional pain, the more painful the situation becomes. Stated more simply, avoiding pain leads to Read more…


The lady doth protest too much, methinks is a quotation from the 1599 play Hamlet by William Shakespeare.  Over the centuries, it has come to describe an individual’s frequent and vehement attempts to convince others of their version of events Read more…


Battle lines are drawn in her head each side ready to attack the other at a moment’s notice. On one side, her inner critic waits not-so-patiently to judge. Her inner critic judges harshly when she ridicules her best friend or Read more…


In 1884, William James wrote an article, What is an Emotion? Scientists are still debating this question today.  As clinicians, however, most of us would describe an emotion as a natural instinctive state of mind triggered by circumstances, mood or Read more…


Why is it we sometimes say the nastiest things to the person we love the most? How is it that seemingly simple negotiations sometimes end up with partners screaming at each other?  How do we end up snapping and acting Read more…


Imagine — Tamara is 15 years old. She and her mother started arguing when Tamara was 12.  They argue about seemingly everything – clothes, curfews, chores, homework, friends – you name it and they’ve argued about it.  Their arguments have Read more…


A mighty oak will not fall in one swing of the ax; a formidable foe will not fall after a single punch; a powerful army will not raise the white flag after one shot fired; and a chess master will Read more…


As a therapist specializing in the treatment of patients with Borderline Personality Disorder, it is not uncommon to get phone calls from frustrated friends, perturbed partners, exhausted parents, and discouraged roommates of my clients. I even get those calls from Read more…


Your thoughts are just thoughts. They have no meaning other than the meaning you give to them. You are not the sum of your thoughts. Your thoughts do not define who you are. They are fleeting, here one moment, gone Read more…


Mary and her husband, John, have the same predictable fight week after week. John cheated on Mary five years ago and she can’t let it go.  When John is late getting home from work, which happens frequently, she obsesses he’s Read more…

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